Nothing but a joke

When I was a litel kid, and I would be up late at night watching tv. My house being built without the most excellent craftsmanship, would always creak and make noise and things like that. But as a 9 year old kid watching Inside Edition at 1 in th AM you just hear noises of people walking around upstairs, and you know your parents and busy sweating up the sheets so they wouldn't be walking around. The next logical step is to assume that someone is robbing your house (as a nine year old you tend to overlook the fact that you live in a suburban area, and have nothing of much value in your house besides a piano and your godamn baseball card collection) . So what I would do is try and look around at what I would use to injure the robbers or make them bleed a little bit before they kidnapped and molested me. These are the biggest fears of childhood, someone stealing your baseball card collection, and being kidnapped, what a life. Your parents always tell you you can't go running around the neighborhood cause you could get kidnapped, it's never anything logical that your afraid of, You never hear of kids pissing thier pants because they thought they might drown in a pool, even though thats far more likley then being kidnapped. It's like when the threat of the boogieman wear off on kids, they start telling them they could get kidnapped. When I'm a parent I'll just start out with being kidnapped, I'll tell my toddler to finish his veggies or they won't grow up strong to be fast enough to run faster then the fat kid when the kidnapper is trying to get them.
Anyway I would hear the noises and the first thing I would do is look at the nearby lamp. "Hmm, I suppose I could throw that, the remote is too light even though I gave my brother a couple good thumps with it before. Maybe the poker too the fireplace? yeah I'll just grab the poker and wait till they come down them I'll fuck em up with my 9 year old arms swining this big iron poker." So then I don't actually pick up the poker because I want to get caught by my sibling or parents in case it's just them. You'd end up looking like a jackass curled up on the couch with a big idiotic poker clutched in your white knuckles. so you put the poker within arms length for the next half hour till you decide it was just th house making noise. but what a adventure as a kid, I mean when's the last time you had your life threatened by a creak in the house. Gees maybe I should start another card collection, just so I could feel that rush and anexity of thinking someone might steal my useless shit. Ah to be young again.

I have a sinking suspicion that the people who write worksheets, you know the annoying things your folder get stuffed with in High School, that the people who write worksheets also are in charge of instruction booklets for putting small household goods together. The instruction booklets that make no sense, you know they have all these pictures and diagrams but no English to explain what that red arrow pointing to that one screw in the corner means. I mean these people must get some sort of kick out of watching people put things together while pulling out their hair because your never quite sure if you did it the right way. the thing is too there always seems to be one or two small parts left over at the end, it looks perfectly fine but you have a small nut and some piece of plastic that you had 6 others of when you started. Then you sit and debate if you take it apart to put these pieces in the right place, or do you wait a couple month down the road till when the thing you just constructed falls apart completely. It's one of the most infuriating things, which is how I feel about work sheets, you know the ones that some paragraph about Jimmy scraping his knee while skateboarding, and his mom gets mad, anyways it's some bullshit story, then the first three questions are this "Do you think Jimmy was........? Why or Why not? Explain?" This is the biggest complaint I have about worksheets, there is no reason for me to care about Jimmy or his skateboard, I would always answer things like this odd reasons, for the Why or Why not? "does willie loman seem do be a respectable character? why or why not? explain?" I would eventually get so frustrated with these type of questions I would put things like "No, he seems like a pussy, just like my uncle Steve who talks a big game but when it comes to trying to out eat me during Thanksgiving, but now can only sit and cry about his past victories while he is nothing more then a small old former version of himself."

worksheets give you the same increase in blood pressure as instruction booklets

I was sitting around bored and depressed the other day, and there wasn't much to do so naturally I eventually began masturbating. and afterward I was thinking, there are some things you'll always still do no matter how down in the dumps you feel, it's weird though because people will just stop shaving or washing their clothes, even though these are obvious things that would benefit them, but these people are just so pissed off at the world or whatever, they think it dosen't matter if they shave or shower, even if they hate facial hair or get sick when they catch a whif of themselves. but there would never be a point where you stop itching your butt, I wonder how pissed off would you have to be to just think "No i'm gonna let my butt keep itching" there is never that point, same with picking your nose or jerking off, it's like no matter how pissed off or depresed you feel, those things will get done if the ocassion arises. thats why you never hear the phrase "I was too depressed to jerk off". so anyways I was up late watching shitty TV and I catch one of those Girls Gone Wild commercial, you know the ones that try to entice the unshaved smelly guys to pay 15 bucks to jerk off to chicks flashing the camera and I noticed something about the chicks on the screen, besides the uncoordination, slow reaction time and dialated pupils that let you know copius ammounts of alcohol were consumed before the filming of these clips. yeah so I notice that at least 75% or so of them have that tatoo that I've heard is now called "The mark of the skank" that it is something that if you know your a skank you get, like how if your a sailor you get the fuckin anchor plastered on your forearm. so the Sign of the skank is that idiotic butterfly or star, or some bullshit graphic design that mimics sandskrit, but really has no inner meaning. well they put it on the small of thier back, the most unreasonable place to look at art on your body. I mean I thought I had a rash on my ass a couple time before and it is fucking hard to try and look at your ass in the mirror, so I can't imagine that any of these skanks are sitting there trying to appreciate the dumb symbol they just laid down 80 bucks for to have put on the small of their back. They must think thier ass is pretty important, and they couldn't really take a bedazzler and decorate around it so that it looks "CUTE" when people get a glimpse of it. I mean they must have mistook thier ass to be a really important definition in a text book, being unable to give your ass a flourescent highliter color, they just decided to put a star by it, like look remember my ass is important, if you notice the tatoo I put right next to it is a star. no offense if you got it when it wasn't the cool thing to do, or if you actually think yours has some meaning because it's a chineese symbol, because I forgot that chineese words mean more then english ones. I guess I should stop saying I love you in English instead just learn it in chineese.