Nothing but a joke

When I was a litel kid, and I would be up late at night watching tv. My house being built without the most excellent craftsmanship, would always creak and make noise and things like that. But as a 9 year old kid watching Inside Edition at 1 in th AM you just hear noises of people walking around upstairs, and you know your parents and busy sweating up the sheets so they wouldn't be walking around. The next logical step is to assume that someone is robbing your house (as a nine year old you tend to overlook the fact that you live in a suburban area, and have nothing of much value in your house besides a piano and your godamn baseball card collection) . So what I would do is try and look around at what I would use to injure the robbers or make them bleed a little bit before they kidnapped and molested me. These are the biggest fears of childhood, someone stealing your baseball card collection, and being kidnapped, what a life. Your parents always tell you you can't go running around the neighborhood cause you could get kidnapped, it's never anything logical that your afraid of, You never hear of kids pissing thier pants because they thought they might drown in a pool, even though thats far more likley then being kidnapped. It's like when the threat of the boogieman wear off on kids, they start telling them they could get kidnapped. When I'm a parent I'll just start out with being kidnapped, I'll tell my toddler to finish his veggies or they won't grow up strong to be fast enough to run faster then the fat kid when the kidnapper is trying to get them.
Anyway I would hear the noises and the first thing I would do is look at the nearby lamp. "Hmm, I suppose I could throw that, the remote is too light even though I gave my brother a couple good thumps with it before. Maybe the poker too the fireplace? yeah I'll just grab the poker and wait till they come down them I'll fuck em up with my 9 year old arms swining this big iron poker." So then I don't actually pick up the poker because I want to get caught by my sibling or parents in case it's just them. You'd end up looking like a jackass curled up on the couch with a big idiotic poker clutched in your white knuckles. so you put the poker within arms length for the next half hour till you decide it was just th house making noise. but what a adventure as a kid, I mean when's the last time you had your life threatened by a creak in the house. Gees maybe I should start another card collection, just so I could feel that rush and anexity of thinking someone might steal my useless shit. Ah to be young again.