Nothing but a joke

The otherday I was at the store and I saw something that made me realize how stupid atkins is, low carb yogurt, yogurt is naturally low carb. Isn't that great, we should all realize what carb content is included in the food we eat. But if you really want to cut down on carbs but just can't seem to kick the habit? Try this new product I am about to propose, Big Bread the ugly half sister of Big Red. You might be grossed out, but think about it, bread flavored gum. It would be the next best thing after Human Cheese, but all the flavor of carbs with none of the guilt. Next time you get a hankering for some carbohydrates, reach for a Big Bread. have you ever had a slice of toast that lasted for almost ten minutes? Now you can.

I never really thought about how funny it was untill I decided to use my life in a stand up routine, I was breastfed till the age of four, it wasn't my decision though it was my mom's. She was a Le Leche League Leader, and if you never heard of that it is a breastfeeding group, so to put it in perspective my mom was sort of a apostle of nursing. She did it cause it's good for the kids she says, that it helps thier immune system, thats probably why I haven't gotten west nile or the avain flu yet. It was kind of weird having friends over though, because we had things in our house like a fridge magnet that said "Breastfed is best-fed". I know what your thinking and no that line will not work on girls, unless of course your trying to get them to puke a little bit in the back of thier mouth. We also had a yarn breast, it had an elastic strap to put around your hand to model how to position the nipple in the baby's mouth, I never got a demonstration but would use it as a hilarious dance prop, when singing "I like big butts" but changing the words to "big breasts." The worst thing about my mom being in the Le Leche League was that she boycotted Nestle company, because they produced baby formula for mothers in third world countries, her point is that it's better for those kids to breastfeed. I appreciate that she wanted to stand up for what she believes, and I didn't mind all that much except when making chocolate chip cookies, because I love those scrumptous tollhouse morsels, and the generic brand just dosen't stand up, it's like someone crapping in your mouth then adding a bit of suggary dough. but the worst was the phone calls she would get, from mothers needing help, it was like she was doing tech support for nursing, and I was homeschooled. So I usually got my work done, but let me tell you it is fucking hard trying to divide fractions while listening to a conversation and teething and nipple confusion.