Nothing but a joke

What if Bruce Banner every time he got aroused turned into the hulk, you know? because like turning into the hulk is kind of how like a penis goes from flaccid to erect, I bet the hulk is made up of tissue that easily filly up with blood and is can therefore expand quickly. like Bruce Banner is really just the flaccid Hulk. And if he did turn into the hulk when he got aroused, how frustrating would that be? you wouldn't be able to have sex with anything except large animals and heavy machinery. But maybe he would become so sexually frustrated that he would put out a craigslist ad "Large green male seeks someone to accommodate 12 foot body and large genitalia---NSA" and then how freaked would he be when the supposed hottie he was talking to online knocks on his door and surprise, it's the man from the can, yes indeed the Jolly Green Giant.

Blogging is the anne frank diary of the 21st century. I am consolidating my cyber personality and having my blog be on my facebook profile, if cyber personalities were like home loans the formemr MLB pitcher Jim palmer would be so proud of me right now.
The temperature of luke warm should be catagorized by degrees, it's too vague of an idea especially for recipies or medical directions. I mean if your going to be specific about teaspoons and such should water temperature matter enough to say something more concrete then "luke warm"?

So there I was drinking from my 30 pack of St Louis based beer going down on the First Lady.

I woke up from my nap, and realized that for me to have my own underdog story I first would have to lower myself. Sometimes as a white middle class male I feel I don't have much to fight for, except that ever present right to party. Oh I could fight racism, but it wouldn't really be my fight and I wouldn't really get it. I was somewhat exposed to the subtle racism of Minnesota. One time at thanksgiving my uncle made a comment during the football game that besides the quarterback, the kicker is really the only position "we" have any more. By we I hope he meant people smart enough to not get involved in physical altercations where harm and injury may occur. I may be considered a pussy, but I never got the idea of being harmed for a cause that had the possibility of death. This whole idea of nationalism is lost on me, and the phrase dying for your country seems a little counter-evolutionary. I thought the whole idea of life was to live eat and fuck. If I was born in a cave theoretically, and a huge animal was going to kill me unless I left the cave. I wouldn't say "bring it on you beast, I'll die for my cave" because where I live does not dictate what is important to me. I could die out in the cold but the I would be dying to live instead of dying trying to defeat something. If the United States was magically flooded 10 feet deep everywhere and Canada was somehow left high and dry, do you think all those people who would "die for thier country" would live on houseboats? I like how people try to identify thier allegiances, they talk about immigrants being loyal to the country or religious people saying they are christian or muslums first then American. I wonder if people were asked if they thought it was more important to be human or christian, what they would choose. Like if you told someone they could be a Christian Homo-Erectus or a athiest Homo-Sapien, what would they choose? I wonder if they would go for the less evolved believer. I mean I for one am human first and anything else is secondary. And the strongest instict I have known in my short life is sexual. I mean this isn't a suprise coming from a guy who wrote his state writing proficiency test about learning how procreation was the purpose in life. But I wonder if people realize that sex and self preservation are the strongest feelings at birth and the rest is mostly learned behavior.
I love the hypothetical questions about being born alone on a desert island. If you were born alone on a desert island would you on your own think of this "Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor" as a rule to live by? I hope not, I hope language and ideas like that are learned. I would also argue that they would instinctualy have sexual relations with any other people who appeared on the island male female, chimp, you name it.

Congressional Circle Jerk
Category: News and Politics

Yeah polls, nothing like a poll to influence my decision. Give me an ability to voice my opinion in one word answers. A yes or no, an approve or disapprove, a tend to agree or disagree. Are you Democrat, Republican, Independent or other? Our race and age, our sexual orientation is boxed up and shipped out for people to study and debate, the glory of sociological achievement fused with stereotyping. The gray area is avoided, complexities ignored because decisions must be made and discussion slows down action that is asked to be taken. Bickering is looked down upon because it creates inaction, politics is not about finding the best solution, it is about forwarding the available answers. Itâs not accepted to say we donât know, but more often then not we donât. Yet we feel that those in power should know the answers. Do they know better because they wear expensive suits? Or sit in leather chairs behind antique wooden desks? Or because they have staffs full of overachieving youngsters explaining information to them they are too busy to read and decipher themselves? With our votes we expect action, follow through on words professed in campaign speeches. Yet there is no checklist of promises made and those accomplished. Where is the chore list? Maybe we need to withhold monetary compensation with out accomplishing what was promised. More often then not we elect people who arenât expected to do anything but follow party lines. It seems odd that there is such partisan voting. I wonder is there is really such dual mindedness within our elected officials? I think that many votes are made on deals, you vote for my bill and Iâll vote for yours. The uptight feeling I get when watching the house in session make me think of drastic ideas to ease the tension. The staunch could easily be alleviated if everyone was required to show up in his or her underwear. They say men are their most honest after ejaculation, well then why not have a little circle jerk right before each important vote. I mean lets remove these sexual tabooâs, what would it really be like if honesty was respected and disagreement honored. I big splooge stain on the desk of the speaker of the house may do some good, it certainly could make things worse. The screwing over of the American people would then be a little more literally applicable.

P.S. A little food for thought
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/17/us/17voter.html?ex=1310788800&en=9626060428eeb1ed&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

You ever feel like secularism is dying? like people in the united states more and more are basing thier political ideology on what they consider to be religious fact. Here is one concept that baffels me endlessly, the end of the world is in the bible. Yes if you read all the way to the end, it's near the back but the world will end. The huge collection of books in the Left Behind series that I've seen all over the place and have good ole Mike Sever staring in thier TV adaptation, is about the end of the world based on biblical teachings. So here is my dilema, how can you base your decisions on the word of God, when God is going to destroy the world some day. Like God really has any sort of control, I bet the earth to him is like a car someone build to race in a demolition derby. You think demo derby racers would get pissed if someone keyed thier car? "Hey asshole thanks keying up my car that I'm gonna go crash into a bunch of shit." When the Exxon/Valdez oil spill happened you think God was worried how it would effect people."Well those seagulls kept on shitting on my awsome beaches I created, I had to punish them" No God isn't ironically selecting believers and nonbeliever and treating them any differently. If God created a world that he was going to destroy, should we really be seeking his advice for how we try and make the world better? "Hey Rick Santorum, should we ban Gay Marriage?" "Yeah Gods gonna destroy the world sometime but until then we need to do what he says." If I though of God as the source that told everyone what to do he would be such a bad parent, he's the parent that makes eat your vegetables before he burns down your house with you inside." So lets make political decisions based on the bible something that has the end of the world in it. God gets mentioned endlessly on our Congressional floor, especially in the Gay marriage debate. Homosexuality is mentioned a couple times in a huge compilation called the bible. So is eating meat, I want to see some protestors out for that, where are all the conservative christians and the butcher shops annual pork sale."Sausages are from satan" or "God hates porkchops." It used to be against christian beliefs to lend money too, I guess it was only cool to ask people for money back then not give it out. Marriage is only religious because some guy in the church made it a sacrament way back when. You know what else is a sacrament, drinking wine, thats right it's all a buch of differnt little ceremonies that someone decided to make important and we all follow along cause of the bible. Everytime I drink wine I wave my fingers over it beforehand, then I get drunk, that hangover in the morning is just Jesus punishing me I think. "Say two hail mary's and a glory B, then get drunk and have a Jesus hangover."

I think the message from God always gets screwed up. I always ask if people want to leave a message when I tell them other people aren't at home. I get the details wrong here and there, like they wanted you to call them back but at 4 instead of 8 or meet them at Gary's instead of Greg's. I think God must have a pretty complicated message he's trying to tell people and they just keep fucking it up, maybe God speaks a tough language that soundsweird, likemaybe it sounds like two wildabeasts having sex in a monsoon. I mean don;t you think it might be hard to dechpher that message. Maybe the people who wrote the bible kept screwing it up, maybe they were a lot like the student in Spanish class who keep asking the teacher to slow down. "como se what??"

Do you ever ask those questions outloud about common occurances that end up being not as common occurances as you once thought. Like when you ask a group of friends if they ever masturbated on the highway. Because I had a roomate who said he had done it before, and there awlays seems to be at least one out of five or six who have done it before. And I learned not to go into detials about the story. Don't tell them that the kleenex box you keep in the car for runny noses, also makes a great semen absorbant. Or that during the orgasm since the car didn't have cruise control, you ended up accelerating to 85 or so. People look at me crazy when I say this, but I'm sure there is a couple of you out there just nodding your heads, laghing because you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's like when guys mention erections on the bus, every guy knows what I mean. For those women out there here is a male secret, Men tend to get random erections on the bus. I mean maybe why there is so many old weird men on the bus, so they can get erections and oggle people. It's basically liek sticking people ontop of a dryer and then driving them around the city, with that kind of vibration I'm suprised there isn't more public bus sex. Another once to not ask is, 'so have any or your moms gone through menopause yet?' People react so oddly to that question, they are thinking how did I evere ask my mom that. Did I just go up to her and say "Hey mom, any cookies left in the cookie jar?"

I like to think there are some subjects that have been ended as taboo, but it's fun to think about how you reacted to them when you were in junior high. My first example is female masturbation, if a female mentioned in conversation that she masturbated , I wouldn't think give it a seconds thought, well maybe a second. but it wouldn;t really chage or but any notions in my head about her because I understand how the world works and the truth is that some women masturbate. But this is how boys immeadiatly reeact in high school when they hear that same information. They run to the closest group of friends and say "Holy shit, guess what I just heard" of course your face is in a unending grin the whole time. "Dude I just found out Laura masturbates" They would immediatley give you this doubting look and say "No way" but you keep going "No i heard it from a reliable source... Three times a week or so" and you all begin to laugh and look rediculous for the fact that you found out the females masturbate. Man I love taboo, great board game.